Thursday, September 25, 2008

The 10 most underrated beautiful women according to me

Ever since I was a young buck, “the baddest babe ever” has been one of my favorite random topics of conversation. Discussing with friends and family the most delectable women of Hollywood and the music industry often reveals some of the same answers from all conversation participants (Halle Berry? Boring. Stacey Dash? Blah. Gabrielle Union? Ehh.).

There are those women, however, that I think have fallen through the cracks now and throughout the years; the ones that everyone will agree are fine but don’t remember to bring up in conversation.

Here are ten that I try not to forget, in no particular order:

1. Kerry Washington – She’s newer to the scene, and she’s kept a pretty steady flow of work, but she’s yet to truly blow up on some superstar-type ish. Every time she pops onscreen, she has my undivided attention. It’s that pout she has going on with those sexy soup-coolers and these dagger-ish eyes. She was absolute divinity via the female form in Chris Rock’s I Think I Love My Wife. She also comes off like she would cut you off at the grapes in an argument and put you square in your place should you ever get out of line. Gotta love that.
2. Paula Patton – The finest new actress in Hollywood right now, bar none. The Halle Berry 2.0. I’m pretty sure if she smiled in my face, she could get me to sign over my car, my cat and the rest of my existence. Idlewild be damned; watch her in regular-woman mode – minimal makeup and all – opposite Denzel Washington in Déjà Vu to feel where I’m coming from. That d-bag son of Alan Thicke’s is one lucky man, I gotta say…

3. Salli Richardson – The ultimate badass of yore and a personal favorite for over 14 years. Part black, part Cherokee and part God DAMN, she managed to make Jada Pinkett look like Beetlejuice in 1994’s A Low Down Dirty Shame. She also killed it in the Western schlockfest Posse. She still pops up every now and again, having had bit parts in Antwone Fisher, Biker Boyz (where she pulls off the dykish look with awesome panache) and at least one episode of “House.” She’s 40 years old and still one of the most beautiful women on earth. I mean honestly…who’s fucking with Pocahontas???

4. Roselyn Sanchez – Late last year, I was walking through my office and saw a Spanish-language magazine sitting around with Roselyn on the cover in a bikini. I think I literally lost my composure right then and there. She isn’t a great actress and her body of celluloid or television work won’t be remembered by many (Boat Trip, anyone? No? Didn’t think so.). But her actual body itself is bound to cause an automobile accident or three. I mean, just look at that core! No one does fiery Latina like Roselyn does fiery Latina. Imagine getting screamed at by her in Spanish. During sex. “Mas rapido!” “Mas duro!!” Whatever you say, Miss Sanchez.

5. N’Bushe Wright – N’Bushe will fuck you up. She will beat…your…funky…black…ass. If Dead Presidents was any indication, she’s the perfect black female anachronism; she’d fit just marvelously in the 1970s Blaxploitation era; with dual afro puffs, bellbottoms and the midriff-baring blouses tied up at the stomach; all the while loading a shotgun that she’s just going to end up busting you upside the head with anyway. I haven’t seen in her in much of anything since the first Blade movie in 1999, but I’d love it if this beautiful, chocolate babe popped up again.

6. Tracie Spencer – I can’t name or recite any Tracie Spencer songs anymore. It’s been that many years. But considering how fiery beautiful she was back in the early 1990s, I have no doubt that she is lingering somewhere in MILF status right now. Y’all remember that episode of Family Matters when Eddie finagled his way into her hotel room? I was, like, 12, and you can only imagine what was running through my horny little domepiece at the thought of what I’d (attempt to) do if I were in his place.

7. Cree Summer – So, Whitley was cute, Denise was annoying as shit and Jaleesa looked like a damn fullback. But Winifred? Bad, son. BAD. She did neo-soul before neo-soul was hot, and somehow managed to get sexier when she switched it up as the conservative lawyer type on later seasons of of A Different World. Sure, her voice sounded like a bag of kittens drowning in the Chicago River (which is probably why her singing career never went anywhere), but she was always something to look at. Yeah, she got all flower child-y and made questionable jewelry and tattoo decisions when she got older, but hey…the foundation is still there, from what I can surmise.

8. Karyn Parsons – I think just about every fine black actress of the 1990s that wasn’t named Halle or Jada made some form of appearance on The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. But I don’t think any of them could contend with my girl Hillary. Even when Tatyana Ali started to come into her own as a looker herself, she couldn’t mess around with big sister. Unlike most of the women on my list, Karyn has seldom ever shown any real skin in her career, yet has managed to stay in the wet dreams of dirty old men like myself. I never bought into her being a true ditz, so when she went on to movies like Major Payne, even finer than she was on Fresh Prince, she pretty much cemented fantasy wifey status.

9. Bern Nadette Stanis – All TGIF-era-and-beyond TV cuties, pay homage to the original badass sitcom dime. Fine before my miserable behind ever fell out of my mother, I didnt appreciate her until I got much older; despite a nice, healthy diet of Good Times reruns as a child. Though she was forced to act next to a pre-pubescent Janet Jackson, I imagine I would have chosen posters of Thelma over Janet for my bedroom wall if given the option. I saw her on BET’s Comic View maybe eight years ago or so, and she was still pretty slammin’! I wonder if J.J. ever smashed in real life…

10. Emmanuelle Chriqui – Very attractive women are guaranteed to pop up frequently on the HBO show Entourage. But being as how it’s a show about the film industry in Los Angeles, shot in Los Angeles, it should come as no surprise that many of them are about, say, 30 percent actual human being and 70 percent plastic, makeup and extensions. Not one of them has ever made me stop and do double- and triple-takes like Ms. Chriqui did. She’s crotch-rackingly gorgeous, but she also comes off as real and unpretentious. Her hair, face and complexion are insane; thank her Israeli background for that. If she can stay clear of Adam Sandler bombs and demonstrate some passable amount of talent to go along with her looks, she could potentially end up being a more useful version of Jessica Alba.

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